What Does Demisexual Mean? Knowing the Definitions, Signs, and Misconceptions

What Does Demisexual Mean? Knowing the Definitions, Signs, and Misconceptions

ays daily that it does not.

But that’s not all: “Under the gray-asexual umbrella, which is sometimes referred to as grassexual, there is a group called demigray—which is on the lower end of the ‘gray-scale,’” Dr. Sutker explains. “It’s basically the idea that you could experience sexual attraction to someone, but it’s still going to be much milder, and it’s still going to require that you have a deep emotional bond with the person in order for that to happen.”

How to support a demisexual person?

Like so many other sexual and romantic identities, demisexuality is rarely talked about. In a world that appreciates locker room talk, the conversation often stops here. Even if you don’t think you know anybody who identifies as demisexual, chances are you still know someone who is.

The best way to support a demisexual friend is to learn about and accept the identity. Validate their experience, be understanding of it, and approach them with kindness. 

“The most important thing with demisexuals is to be understanding of the fact that they might need a bit more time to fall for someone,” Goldstein says. “For some, it may be sex kind of first before feelings and that’s totally okay. But don’t forget that for demis, these feelings are required before anything else can really happen.” 

All in all, sexuality is fluid—although demisexuality is unique, it’s nothing to be scared of. In fact, it can be liberating. If a strong emotional connection is necessary for a demisexual to feel sexual desire, you’re likely to discover an intensity in your sexual relationship you’d missed before. If understanding and accommodating your demisexual identity can give you this, it can only be a good thing.

Have you heard of the term demisexual? If so, you’re well-versed in what it means. If not, it can be a bit confusing as the term doesn’t have one simple definition. In short, it’s people who only feel sexually attracted to someone after forming an emotional connection with them, and is often considered to be part of the ‘ace spectrum.’ It is very important to have a clear understanding of the label and what makes it distinc from other sexual orientations.

To start off, demisexuality is the antithesis of ‘screwing without feelings’; sex needs to be intimate and emotional for demisexuals. That means casual sex or one-night stands aren’t an option for them, as sex needs to be with someone with whom they have an emotional connection. Generally speaking, demisexuals feel more of an emotional intimacy with somebody before feeling any sexual attraction toward them.

Demisexual traits are more about emotional connections then anything else; two-thirds of those who identify as demisexual feel uninterested in or even repulsed by sex. For demisexuals, forming an emotional bond is necessary for them to feel sexually attracted to someone; it’s not necessarily a guarantee.

A key difference between demisexuals and asexuals is that the latter largely don’t experience sexual attraction to others or feel interested in partnered sex. For demisexuals, although it’s not likely that they’d be sexually attracted to someone upon the first meeting, they at least acknowledge it as a possibility. Meanwhile, grayssexuality falls in the middle of asexuality and allosexuality as it is where a person does experience sexual attraction but it occurs infrequently and under certain conditions.

Demisexuality isn’t limited to one gender or sex, since it’s about emotional bond and intimacy rather than gender. If somebody identifies as demisexual,